Ashes
by Jonquille Theravada
Summary: A series of drabbles featuring Mai, because she's fantastic. Reviews are always appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

She hadn't been asked if she wanted to move to New Ozai. Even if she had, she wouldn't have cared. She had gotten used to it—the world moved around her without her consent, spinning out of her control. The best she could do was put on a stoic face and behave and sit still and not speak unless spoken to.

From the window of her family's coach, she could see a circus in the distance. Vaguely, she wondered if it was the one Ty Lee had joined. The fact that her friend had enough sense to get out of the Fire Nation and away from Azula almost made her want to smile. Almost. Then the reality that she hadn't seen any of her friends since they graduated the academy set in. There was someone else she hadn't seen in a much, much longer time, and for a moment his scarred face flickered across her mind before she pushed away any and all emotions. She couldn't afford to think about someone she knew she'd never see again. He was exiled, as good as dead.

She'd had her grieving period about that years ago. Of course, no one had known the extent of her sadness. She'd suffering in silence, despite Azula's deliberate jabs at her wound on the subject. It was during that time, too, that she fully realized her hatred for Azula, a hatred that she could never act on. In all likelihood, she'd probably end up as a lady-in-waiting of sorts to the princess once she was coronated. Truthfully, it didn't matter where she was or what she was doing. She would still be bored.

Hours passed as she stared out the window. Eventually, the coach slowed to a halt.

"We're here," her mother said brightly.

"I've never been more excited in my life," she answered without any inflection in her voice as she gracefully moved out of the vehicle and into an unfamiliar city.

That night, she stood on her balcony and stared out at the rooftops, housing citizens who weren't allowed to leave. Prisoners. She wished she were as free as them.


	2. Chapter 2

She hadn't watched when Zuko and Firelord Ozai dueled. She had calmly exited the city walls and continued walking. She didn't stop walking until the sun cast an orange shade on everything. She hated orange. She hated orange, she hated Azula, she hated today.

In frustration, she threw one of her knives into a boulder near her, essentially ruining it. Great. She left it there, not caring enough to even examine the thing, and walked just as calmly back to the Capital as she had came.

When she entered her own house, she saw Azula perched a pillow in the sitting room like she had the right to invade her home and torment her whenever she pleased. When she thought about it, though, she realized there was probably some law somewhere that _did _give her that right. And she didn't care, because the only thing that mattered to her at that moment was Zuko's safety.

"Father didn't kill him, you know," Azula said casually.

To say that Mai was relieved would be a gross understatement. Her face, however, remained indifferent as she responded, "What a generous man."

"Just banishment. But I think my old uncle is going with him, too, so it's like killing two annoying birds with one stone," Azula laughed. Cackled, really. "Zuzu got a horrible burn on his face! And the best part is that he can't come back until he's captured the Avatar!"

Mai's eyes widened briefly before her face returned to a black expression. "That's an impossible task."

"I know," said the princess, a tinge of relish in her voice. "Well, I'm off to celebrate. You can join, if you'd like. I'll call on Ty Lee."

That was just like her, to try and get Mai to commemorate the occasion when she knew very well how upset Mai really was.

"I'm not really the celebrating type," Mai answered as she began walking to her bedroom. As an afterthought, she called, "but you have fun," over her shoulder.

It was only when she was locked away, safe from anyone's eyes, that she let herself feel anger and hatred. The unfairness pressed upon her chest. She repeatedly threw knives into the wall until it was unrecognizable. Like Zuko, now.


	3. Chapter 3

"Which one of you sugar queens is pregnant?" Toph asked from a chair in Iroh's tea shop. Everyone was silent, and she clarified, "There's an extra heartbeat."

It was the third anniversary of Ozai's defeat and everyone had assembled to celebrate. There was mumbling and a particularly loud argument between Suki and Sokka, then silence.

"Such a grand way to announce a royal baby," Mai spoke flatly.

"What!" Zuko responded from next to her in a strained voice, clearly trying to control the volume. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did," she answered, shrugging. "That's how I learned that you don't listen to me at breakfast."

"I must have been busy. You could have communicated it better, don't you think?" He was shouting now.

"I thought I'd just see how far I'd get along in the pregnancy before you noticed."

"You," he screamed, "are a piece of work!" Flames like daggers came out of his fists as he stalked out onto the balcony.

Having remained unflinching throughout the exchange, Mai surveyed the group of witnesses. Toph looked beside herself with joy at having started the argument, apparently finding the entire situation hilarious.

"I'll go talk to him," Iroh said, resting his hand on Mai's shoulder. Dreamily, he added, "congratulations."

From outside, everyone heard Zuko's aggravated voice, "I'm so happy and angry!"

Smirking, Mai touched her stomach. Maybe the kid would have a normal range of emotions coming from the two of them.


	4. Chapter 4

She liked his scar. She liked tracing it with her lips, running her fingers over the outlines of his muscles. He'd gotten skinnier while he was a fugitive. She didn't mind. When they could get away from the guards, they'd make love. His eyes were still angry, but never when they looked at her. And she was still bored, but never when she was with him. And that night on Ember Island he said he was mad at himself. That night they made love slowly. She was sure she'd seen a tear slip down his face.

Then he was gone so soon. He left her with nothing but a note, like she didn't mean anything to him. A fucking piece of paper as a goodbye. And she would have gone with him, too. She would have. Her sadness tumbled around inside of her until it became anger, then hatred, and eventually sadness all over again when she realized she couldn't hate Zuko.


	5. Chapter 5

"Aren't you cold?" Mai asked.

"I've got a lot on my mind," Zuko answered. "It's been so long. Over three years since I've been home. I wonder what's changed." Pain flashed across his eyes. "I wonder how I've changed."

She yawned. "I just asked if you were cold. I didn't ask for your whole life story," she said teasingly, giggling and cupping his handsome face in her hands. "Stop worrying."

The two kissed then and suddenly Zuko wasn't worried so much about returning home as whether or not the girl in front of him was cold herself. They broke apart, and she left him there, gracefully walking away.

_The way I feel about that girl, _he thought to himself, _ is one thing that hasn't changed._


	6. Chapter 6

She paced the few steps her bedroom would allow furiously. Ty Lee sat on the edge of her bed, and even if she had not, Mai would have said the same things.

"He left," she said, throwing knives as merciless and graceful as she was.

Ty Lee nodded her head with a sympathetic look upon her face.

"He left a note. He only left a note. He didn't offer to take me with him."

"Shhhh," Ty Lee answered. "Even _saying _that could be treason."

"He went to be with the Avatar," Mai screamed back. "He went to fight on the losing side of the war."

Ty Lee sat there, torn between the woman she loved and the friend she was loyally devoted to. Eventually, she whispered, "Mai, you will win either way. You love him, and as far as Azula knows, you're loyal to her."

"I will change that," Mai said. "I will always choose Zuko over Azula. She has greatly underestimated me. She'll see."


End file.
